"I skogen dyrkar vi satan och skriker ut vår sorg från mörka fjäll"

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När Vintermörkret Satt Sin Klo

Making a new album took longer time than initially planned. I have been busy with burning churches and satisfying the utter will of Satan.
However, the first song was completed today, “Glo-so”. More to do during the rest of this week, there is a lot of despair in the hands that need to come out.

/Skurtfan

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What stirs in the dark

“Midwinter calls, and something stirs in the dark cold depths between the firs of the northern forest; awakened by the echoing howls of the wolves and lured out into the open by the light of the mystic aurora. Vile eyes gleam in the flickering light of awakened torches. On the frozen countryside, streets are left barren and doors and windows are locked. Silent and buried in the snow, the cowardly peasants attempt to hide from their fears. Meanwhile, the march of the trolls has begun. The fire they bring is not for shedding light, and their sharpened spears are hungry for blood. Led by their King, they march down from the mountain and into the peaceful land of mankind…”

Not to reveal anything, but dark things always come with Winter. Just wait and see…

101 Rules ov Trve Black Metal (19-24)

This is some vital shit for any to-be-blakk-metalist out there. Enjoy!

19. Sodomize a virgin whore.

20. Sodomize anything that is not male. (Fuzzy things look out!)

21. Make sure your album goes out of print about 3 years after its
release… so it becomes ‘cult’.

22. When in doubt, say “True Norwiegian Black Metal!”

23. If that doesn’t work, blast beats can fill any silence.

24. Turn any cross you find upside-down.

More rules will come! \m/ Skurtfan

P.S: I am not the inventor ov these rules. They all come from here. I am merely spreading the words ov the KVLT ov black metal.

101 Rules ov Trve Black Metal (13-18)

This is some vital shit for any to-be-blakk-metalist out there. Enjoy!

13. Don’t play with fuzzy things, excepting that by “play” you mean “burn”.

14. Don’t be Dani Filth.

15. Never, ever, under any circumstances utter the phrase “Kenny G slams,
man.”

16. Don’t be Dani Filth.

17. When your mom tells you to take out the garbage tell her that you’re too
metal to remove refuse.

18. Run for it!

More rules will come! \m/ Skurtfan

P.S: I am not the inventor ov these rules. They all come from here. I am merely spreading the words ov the KVLT ov black metal.

How to make Blakk metal

When making blakk metal, there are many things to take into consideration. Remember that blakk metal is not just about the sound, it is also about the lifestyle. You are your own music!
In random order, I have gathered here a list of things that sort of sums up blakk metal. Many of these I use myself. If this does not help you, blakk metal will know that you are not TRV, and may you rot in a pile of troll dung!

W|——————————————————————
I|——————————————————————-
N|——————————————————————
T|——————————KKKKKRRRIIIIEEEEGGGG–
E|————FFFFFFOOOORRREEESSSSTTTT————
R|–GGGGGGRRRRRRIIIIIIMMMMM———————–

1. First off, you don’t make black metal. You become black metal.

2. Un-learn the guitar. Don’t use too many chords in one song.

3. Tremolo pick, distortion, **** tone, and done. And make sure you record it on an answering machine from 1996.

4. When you play a TRV black metal guitar, imagine your hands as spiders. Now, imagine them either as spiders on speed, or spiders taking their last dying breath.

5. Open all windows, turn your AC on at as low a temperature as it can go and sit next to your open fridge. Stick ice cubes down your pants and socks, and start playing whatever comes out.

6. Play only at night time, preferrably outside in the moonlight.

7. Move to a colder region of the world. Like Norway or Sweden.

8. Eat snow on a regular basis.

9. Musical theory… flush it down the toilet. Rules are as far away from TRV as you can get!

10. Lock yourself up in a cabin in Norway for about 6 years. Then you would be ready to write a black metal song.

11. Take your satanic blakk metal gear and walk into the forest, so deep that you won’t be able to find your way back home. There, look for a dark cave. That’s your studio.

12. If that’s too hard for you, at least sit in the forest for a while.

13. Denounce all bonds of friendship, disown your children and murder your parents. Perhaps kill yourself before anyone gets a chance to hear your music.

14. Live TRV.

15. Start a kvlt. Around yourself.

16. Don’t forget: terrible vocals, inaudible bass and super gravity blasts.

17. Blast with three hands simultaneously. If you live TRV, that shouldn’t be a problem.

18. Always frown. If you have to smile, turn it upside-down.

19. Build a miniature church with all the love in your heart, then howl with your hands grasping at the sky as you burn it down.

20. Never speak; only growl, scream or cry.

21. Never let anyone else record your music, that’s too commercial. Do everything yourself including merchandise (if that’s even necessary).

22. Never play OR record music in an actual studio. When it comes to blakk metal, your bedroom/garage/cellar is your studio.

23. Start a band; then kill the other members when the recording is done, making it a one-man band just to secure you won’t ever be able to perform live.

24. Only play if you are filled with hate or sadness. If you’re not hateful or sad, stab yourself in the knee or look at yourself in the mirror.

25. Wear corpse-paint at all times.

26. Dig your own grave in a dark and secluded place. Then lie in it for a while.

27. Never eat. Devour.

28. Run around in the moonlight pretending you’re a wolf. At the end of the night, devour a goat.

29. Only use band members if you can’t play the instruments yourself.

30. Order a sacrificial dagger from some shitty commercial Internet site. If anyone asks, either say that you made it yourself or that you stole it from a pagan sorcerer.

31. Begin every morning by healthily carving a pentagram on a random surface.

32. Base your lyrics on anything related to blackness, death, evil, grimness, trv, winter or krieg. Throw in words like “trv”, “kvlt”, “grim” and “fuck” here and there.

33. Record yourself rehearsing a song for the first time. No matter the results, that’s what your demo is going to sound like.

34. Only record demos, splits or EP’s. If you have to record an album, make sure that you only distribute it for an extremely limited population. Something like 25-50 copies.

35. Only buy (or steal) second-hand tapes for recording.

36. Only write down the lyrics, never the instruments. Everyone knows what it will sound like anyway.

37. Write your lyrics using charcoal and goat blood. Or use black and red crayons and tell everyone that you wrote your lyrics using charcoal and goat blood.

38. Come up with a black metal alias before you come up with a band name.

39. Imagine the heart rate during utter panic, then the last beatings of the heart just before death. Choose between the two as the bpm for your songs.

40. If you necessarily need a front for your demos, either draw something satanic while in total darkness, or take a photo of yourself posing in corpse paint and grim weapons. Turn contrast up to 100. Don’t forget the horns \m/ and the frowns! >:C

Finally… if you don’t know how to write black metal, just don’t write it.

“…”

I ett rike bränt av sol

Där en gång stod en präktig skog

Dock i Män’skors händer allting dog

Ovan mosstät mark ej längre ugglan ho’

Forests are TRVE (and very, very kvlt) 666~

During my journey through the troll-infested forests of Jönköping some time ago, I took the opportunity to capture the gloomy, moss-inhabited nature that inspired John Bauer. These will probably show up as album art somewhere in the days to come.